The Third Place

I took on a new challenge this year and I have to say, it has been wonderful! Roughly ten days prior to the start of the high school track season I spoke with my former coach and he mentioned they are still looking for a throws coach (shot put, javelin and discus). I threw my name in the hat as someone who can lend a hand and he graciously took me up on it. Two things happened since that conversation: One, I realized I really missed coaching high school athletics and two, it reignited this idea of the importance of having a third place. 

But first, to answer the question that you are probably thinking: What is a third place? Sociologist Ray Oldenburg refers to our first place being home, the second place being work, and the third place as an area where we exchange ideas, have a good time, and build relationships. This is exactly what coaching does for me. Why may we need this?

In my example, coaching gives me something to do off our property where my 1st and 2nd places are, it has helped restore connections, has me involved in the local community again, and basically gives me an identity. In addition, a third place is a powerful antidote to isolation and exclusion. It helps you build relationships and these relationships will keep you young…literally. In one study shared by the Stanford Center on Longevity, they found that after looking at data from over 300,000 individuals, stronger relationships increased likelihood of survival by 50%. Strong relationships are our greatest asset and so vital to our health and happiness, and third places are a haven for them.

If you are lacking something in life and can't seem to put your finger on what it is, it may very well be a third place. So how do you find one? Circling back to Ray Oldenburg, he defined eight characteristics for a third place and after reading them, I decided I could not have set it better myself and listed his breakdown below.

1. It’s neutral ground. People are there because they want to be there. They are free to come and go as they please with no consequence. There are no financial, political, or legal ties and invitations aren’t needed. Even if you don’t return to your third place for days or weeks, your return will be greeted with enthusiasm. This is a refreshing reprieve from your first and second places, which are often structured and require a time commitment. If you waltzed into your work or home after days of unexplained absence, you’d likely be met with divorce papers or a termination notice rather than a cheerful welcome. 
2. It’s a leveling place. A third place accepts people from all walks of life. It’s a level, unpretentious place where economic and social status does not matter, and there are no prerequisites for participation. Without a social hierarchy, a sense of commonality thrives among its people. Status and class can be major points of stress or contention in the first or second place, but when you arrive at your third place, it’s simply not relevant.
3. Conversation is the focus. Playful conversation is the main activity in a third place. The tone is usually good-natured and lively, and the conversation is likely to be stimulating and engaging. These are places where humor and wit run freely and people are open to sharing their ideas and dreams.
4. They are accessible and accommodating. Third places should be readily accessible and accommodating, meaning they are conveniently located (ideally within walking distance of your home), and they have long hours with no reservations needed. They often have free or inexpensive food or drink to accompany good conversation, although this is not always essential.
5. There are regulars. The best third places have a host of regulars that habitually return there, and they’re an important part of the mood and atmosphere of the place. Although it should be easy to find a familiar face in your third place, they’re also open to newcomers. Regulars are also there to help new people feel welcomed and encouraged.
6. They keep a low profile. Third places are wholesome and homely. They’re usually located in physically plain and modest places, and they’re never snobby or extravagant. Your third place should be comfortable and approachable — like a living room for the community.
7. It has a playful atmosphere. When you enter your third place, you’re met with a spirited mood that makes you want to come back time and time again. It’s not a place for the tension or animosity that can often mar our first or second place. Instead, you’ll find laughter, lively conversation, and witty banter.
8. It’s a home away from home. A third place has the same feelings of warmth and belonging as you’ll find in your own home. It should feel safe and steady, and you may feel regenerated after spending time there. You may feel a sense of ownership or that a piece of yourself is firmly fixed in your place. Mostly, you’ll just feel at home.
   

Chris Fluck

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